As with many arguments in life, it all boils down to whom you want to wake up next to. -lol

A zombie? No. A werewolf? Yech. Frankenstein’s monster? Get real. Creature from the Black Lagoon. Let’s not get ridiculous.

But a vampire? Now that’s an interesting proposition.

And this is not simply the opinion of the hordes of teenage girls (and former teenage girls) lined up to see this past summer’s vampire flick “Twilight: New Moon.”

Here’s a bit of a little Monster 101 for you: our horror villains represent our fears. We create monsters to be physical manifestations for our darkest thoughts. Freddie Kruger, Jason, Michael Myers, Jigsaw, etc. When we hear of someone who kidnaps a young girl and shreds her to smithereens, we think of the darkness than can pour forth from a seemingly quiet, relatively normal-looking dude (werewolves). When we think of war or terrorist attacks, we think of carnage and violence without compassion, thought, or any morsel of humanity (zombies).

But vampires, they not only represent fear, they represent passion. Desire. Lust. A werewolf will never hold, caress, or kiss you before attacking (unless you happen to have a few Milk Bones in your pocket). You’ll never get seduced by a zombie (unless your prom date has had half a case of Bacardi Breezers). But vampires will do all of that. Vampires are all the best elements of being human–super human, in fact–without the messy shackles of morality, guilt, or norms. They just do what they want. Follow a few simple rules and your reward is an eternal life without consequences.

Sometimes, vampire stories aren’t about expressing our fears as much as they are about conquering them. This is especially true of most vampire stories of the past 30 years. Most of our favorites show vampires struggling to overcome or tame their urges and learn to control themselves. Often, there is a young, beautiful (living) girl who inspires them to re-embrace their humanity. In these stories, the attraction isn’t so much to the vampire itself, as it is to the struggle, the hope for change, and the belief that anything is possible.

There’s a deluge of TOO much vampire stuff right now, (heck even the X-Men are fighting vampires this month) and some of it not that good. Especially this sub-genre of Vampire comedy shit that’s hitting us left and right. I’ve professed that 30 Days of Night has been the best “true” vampire movie since Interview with a Vampire and Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

Do you ever see this kind of complexity with other monsters? Nope. Zombies just want to eat brains–nothing deep there. And werewolves…well, they just do whatever werewolves do, I guess, which isn’t very interesting. And all other monsters simply want to terrorize and jack you up!

We not only desire vampires, some of us desire to BE vampires. You see, no one ever fantasizes about becoming any type of monster…except a vampire. Werewolves, zombies–they are “victims.” Their situation was inflicted upon them. And while this may be true of vampire’s victims, some of them turn up wanting to be like them in the end.

Take it from “Twilight’s” Bella for an example: there may be some sporadic hot moments with other supernatural creatures (come on now, she’s a teenager fawning between fangs and fur), but she always comes back to the vampire in the end. Sorry team Jacob. So there it is, pretty cut-and-dried, why vampires are the COOLEST horror villains ever. Case closed! Now, excuse me as I go watch the season finale of True Blood.